Sunday, October 19, 2008

i talked to my dad

he was like, they better let you out of your box, or i'm going to get some old school wrath and vengeance going on.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Monday, October 13, 2008

shhh don't tell them i'm posting

i arrived in a new place a few weeks ago

the weirdo here will not let me out of my box


Blogged with the Flock Browser

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Bear Jesus takes part in two pagan rituals!

Okay, so I am obviously not on the net much or this would have been posted sooner. Here is a montage of some of the things Bear Jesus has been doing this summer. Unfortunately, some of the photos of his latest road trip are lost in the Bermuda Triangle of digital photos. I shall endeavor to find them before the next post.

So far BJ has participated in two pagan rituals - Beltane and a Fire Rite. The Fire Rite was a day long series of rituals to aid in calming the many wildfires rampaging through Northern California.

At the Beltane ritual Bear Jesus was honored to take the role of the god for the ceremonies.

bj ritual 2 (2) by you.

After he proudly took his place on the altar, the ritual commenced.

bj ritual 1 (2) by you.

As part of his duties for the ceremony, BJ was asked to bless the ancestral offerings.

bj ritual 3 (2) by you.

One of the offerings got a little frisky and managed to mount BJ.

bj ritual 4 (2) by you.

Then he was to aid the coven members in fulfilling the blessings we asked for by setting fire to them.

bj offering (2) by you.

Our Ursine Saviour had a great time performing his duties, and was only disappointed that he did not get to perform The Great Rite.

At the more recent Fire Rite, Bear Jesus was again a participant. Before we began, BJ paid special honor to the Green Man, and asked him to bless the ritual with success.

greenman (2) by you.

Bear Jesus gave the rituals a power boost by adding his energies to those of the coven members. Here is a shot of BJ on the altar.

bj fire rite (2) by you.

In the section of ritual dealing with fire, Bear Jesus attempted to sacrifice himself.

bj flames (2) by you.

We assured him this was not necessary and plucked him from the cauldron.

bj in the cauldron (2) by you.

Freshly saved, BJ tried to perform another miracle by turning water into wine.

bj fire ritual (2) by you.

Which didn't quite work out this time. (But Bear Jesus was successful in resurrecting a cat named Vlad earlier this summer. You see, I got a call that my friend's cat had been hit by a car and she was going to have a burial for him before she had to go to work. So I rushed over to support her, and BJ was along for the ride. We had just got everything set up for the funeral. The hole was dug, offerings placed, the deceased wrapped in a blankie and soft music playing in the background when.... Vlad walked right into the middle of the grave site and began cleaning himself. There are no photos of the miracle, as is usually the case, but we continue to thank Bear Jesus to this day. Long live Bear Jesus, Patron Saint of Dead and Undead Black Cats!)

The Fire Rite continued throughout the day and was a very positive experience. BJ took some time at the end to thank the goddess and god (symbolized by the figurine and dragon behind him) for their aid and the circle was opened.

bj fire rite1 (2) by you.

We ended the evening by gathering in the hot tub for a rain chant. Bear Jesus wanted to join us, and after a few modifications he jumped right in!

bj hottub 2 (2) by you.

bj hottub 6 (2) by you.

He may have needed help getting back out, but he sure enjoyed his first dunking!

bj hottub 4 (2) by you.

(Just so you know, he was double bagged for this adventure. So be sure to protect him if you try this at home!)

bj hottub 3 (2) by you.

Next up, BJ helps out at a yard sale and takes a road trip to Reno!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Bear Jesus Saves, Everyone Else Takes 5d6 Damage

After recovering from a little too much sun at the Championship, Bear Jesus was ready to take on the world. Or at least the imaginary one of the Dungeons and Dragons universe. He joined several members of the Napa Valley Role Playing Guild, as well as a few other gamers, for a night of mayhem, madness and wanton destruction. The game is a regular one and the party was a little nervous to be in such singular company. Naturally, BJ tried to persuade us to let him be Dungeon Master. He argued he was the most naturally qualified for the job. And he promised not to kill us (something our regular DM would never do).

Although presented with such an opportunity to see a true Master at work, our intrepid DM chose to forgo that option. After all, this was his turn to play god. Next, BJ tried to play an Epic Level character. Specifically, the Risen Martyr Prestige Class from the Book of Exalted Deeds. Bear Jesus had his hopes up, because he really wanted to use the big dice.

Alas, he was again told no. He was going to have to play a character of equal standing to the group. Otherwise, there might be some ganging up by the party members to "take care" of him in game.

Unfortunately, we are all levels 3-5. And new players start at the current lowest player level. So Bear Jesus was going to end up playing a piddly Level 3 Cleric. This did not make our venerated guest happy and the minis were cowering in fear on the battle mat.

But BJ rolled a natural 20 on his Diplomacy Check! The minis stopped their quaking, and our illustrious DM graciously allowed Bear Jesus to play an NPC (non-player-character). He would be a higher level than the rest of us, but wouldn't earn any XP (experience points).

The game went on and everyone began to relax around BJ. He provided incalculable assistance and helped raise the party's morale.

By the end of the gaming session, Bear Jesus had really developed a fondness for the Dice. So he decided to talk to his Dad about this method of determining fate. I can only assumed he did so the next time he prayed. Have you been hearing the sound of dice rolling lately?

Next up, a story of BJ's first real miracle and Beltane ritual (no, they did not happen together). In the meantime, sit back, relax and enjoy a nice glass of your favorite wine.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Bear Jesus in Wine Country

So, my sister Nicole is one of the folks who started this whole thing. I have been looking forward to showing Bear Jesus a few of the things we do for fun out here. (Please keep in mind myself and my friends are all deviant geeks who love to play make-believe.) So, BJ has finally made it to my place in beautiful Napa Valley. While visiting, a few of the things God's Own Cub will participate in: the Vinhold Baronial Championship, a wine tasting, much Dungeons and Dragons role-playing, and a Beltane ritual.

Let's start with the Vinhold Baronial Championship, held this past April at Kennedy Park in Napa. First, BJ had to sign in and pay his site fee. Of course, this being Bear Jesus and all, his site fee was graciously covered by others.

Oh yeah, since the theme for this year's Championship was "Viking Raid!", BJ is sporting a lovely, handmade, shiny Viking Helmet. Which was harder to make than it might look, since he's a little, well, flat. Let's just say much duct tape was involved.

While visiting with the Constable, Bear Jesus got to learn a new pirate game called "Shut the Box".

Unfortunately, he won. Several times. The Constable was not happy.

Rest assured, BJ came away unscathed. The Constable would never truly hurt him. Unless he had a campfire and no fire extinguisher, or the fire wasn't at least 12" off the ground, or many other valid reasons for the Constable to be unhappy.

Here are a few of the wonderful Vinhold Scadians who had the honor of meeting and touching Bear Jesus.

The Lovely Alianora of Prymrose

Enchanting Aurelia de Montfort

and the Sensual Collette de Navarre

BJ got to participate in most of the activities that day. He helped the winning team in the Siege Cooking competition. His aid was, of course, essential to their win.

Bear Jesus helped set up the pigs for the Pig Spearing Contest.

And got to take an honorary shot at spearing one of the porcine offenders. It was a little surprised that Bear Jesus would spear it there. (Note: no actual pigs were harmed in any way, other than the ones we had as bacon at breakfast.)

And finally, BJ was witness to most spectacular event - the Great Fight Between James, Bearon of Vinhold and The Purple Sparkly Unipig of Doom! Unfortunately I do not have photos of this, but there is video available here. And here is a token shot of our Baron and the Unipig, taken after the fight.

Next up for Bear Jesus in Wine Country: Role-Playing with the Napa Valley Role Playing Guild (or some of the members, anyways).

Friday, April 11, 2008

Bear Jesus' Pilgrimage

Hi, I'm TXchick, and I don't have a podcast or a blog of my own. But, I've been posting on a certain message board with Venus and Nicole for years, and I volunteered to take our Ursine Savior on my Spring Break trip to Italy and France. (I'm a high school history teacher and my husband and I took 11 students on this trip. I can't remember when this sounded like a good idea, but it must have at some point.)

First stop, Rome.

Well, boys and girls, Rome was not kind to Bear Jesus. It had something to do with a bottle of Absinthe....

This was the night before we were supposed to go to the Vatican....

Let me tell you, it was not pretty. I went to bed long before BJ did, so I don't know details, but he did leave the hotel at some point.

The next morning we were supposed to meet BJ here by this sign to go to the Vatican Museum....

Here are the kids waiting....

And Bear Jesus never showed up. I was not happy, to say the least, and I was also a little worried, but he dragged his doughy ass back to the hotel late that afternoon and crashed for hours.

Here's an interesting bit of sculpture from the Vatican Museum.

And could this be the Pope himself?

Then, it was on to Florence. BJ has a special interest in Renaissance sculpture, as you can imagine! Here he is admiring the replica of Michelangelo's David that stands outside the Ufizzi Gallery in the Palazzo della Signoria.

The real David is housed in the Gallerie dell'Accademia, and they don't allow photography inside, so I had to take a shot of BJ posing with our ticket stub...

That night we took an overnight train from Rome to Paris. Here's a shot from the train...

It wasn't at all glamorous or roomy, but a bear's gotta do what a bear's gotta do, and this bear had to get from Italy to GAY PARIE!!!

The French are known for their cuisine, and BJ loved shopping at the open-air market for fresh produce and other goodies. We were all intrigued by this interesting variety of cauliflower...

And BJ just HAD to try on these fabulous furry boots...(He was actually in one of these boots; he slipped and fell down out of sight just before I snapped the shot.) Don't you love the bottle of wine sitting in the back of the truck?

The highlight of Paris, of course, is the Louvre, and BJ was very excited to get to see all the famous artwork. Here he is admiring the Mona Lisa. It was impossible to get close to it, due to the large number of people in the room. It was the same way last time I was at the Louvre, 22 years ago. You'd think the French could have figured out a better system in that time, but no.

BJ enjoyed his trip to Europe and came home exhausted and needing a few days in "rehab." As soon as the glue dried, I packed him off to California to visit Nicole's sister.


Sunday, April 6, 2008

Finally. It's a Miracle!

It only took a few tries, but BJ finally managed to walk on water.
That is to say, Blogger FINALLY let me upload new photos! ok, no, they're not really new but they ARE new to y'all!
Right before our intrepid doughy messiah ventured forth from the Big Apple (Satan's Panty Drawer itself) and marched (or trucked; I don't really know what the USPS does when transporting deified ornaments), Bear Jesus was able to visit the home of one David B - of the Occasional Fag - for his birthday.

Bear Jesus is sideways! With a banana on his head! This guarantees it was a great party.

Chef Mark poses with BJ. No, Mark, he's not edible, he's edifying!

BJ cuts the cheese (you knew it was coming. Come on).

Ron, Mikeypod and Tim Corrimal shoot the breeze with BJ after he performs his best gay party miracle: turning water into tequila.

After a few Margs, BJ decided he would host a meet and greet in his home.

First up: his mother, Mary! Glowing in the dark! And also impossibly smaller than he. And not a bear. Don't ask how these things happen. One doesn't question the mysteries and majesties of the Great Bear.

BJ! and a bear! a real bear! hmm, that bear looks a little limp-wristed to me, if you know what I mean. I guess it's not too surprising. It is a gay, gay home

BJ with mother Mary full of Phosphorous, gay Bear, some little blue alien thing, Notre Dame Cathedral (BJ kept pretending he was King Kong around it ALL NIGHT! He's such a kidder, that Jesus), and a very, very strong margarita.

So that's the shizzle, y'all! I hope you enjoyed this true walk down memory lane as much as I did trying to remember it. Fortunately, BJ gifted me with total recall before he left. Naturally, the little bugger didn't tell me he meant he was gifting me with total recall of b-movies from the 60s.
Sally forth, or some such.