Sunday, February 10, 2008

BJ Tours the Gayborhood!

Today, I decided to take Bear Jesus down to what might just be THE original gayborhood: Greenwich Village.

First, we popped out of the subway in the “newish” gay mecca, Chelsea, 14th st and 8th ave. BJ marveled at the wealth of gay boys and their best girlfriends as we wandered the streets, gradually heading downtown into the heart of the Village.

*a gay gay gay men's spa is in that building there. And "New York's Finest" is speeding through the light en route to the Dunkin Donuts copper special.

One of the first things I wanted to do was introduce Bear Jesus to the LGBT Center. Unfortunately, there was no one there interested in a photo op with our ursine lord and savior.

Afterwards, I thought it would be appropriate to show BJ a couple of the unique places you can only visit when in New York.

And also

We stopped by infamous drag restaurant, Lips, but it, too, was shuttered for the day. Drag queens don't normally rouse themselves from slumber and make up their faces before 10 PM if you're lucky.

After missing our moment with some grad queens, we decided to do what Bear Jesus does best: browse "adult bookstores." We went to a fairly well-known one, where we got the glorious one a special gift or two.

yeah, the photo above isn't really connected to BJ in any real way, but isn't it filled with the tackiest stuff ever? All it's missing is a...Bear Jesus or something.

Now, the BJ is a big fan of Miss Carrie Bradshaw and will be first in line for Sex and the City when it hits the big screen. Naturally, we had to stop by Magnolia Bakery and grab a cupcake.

Whoops. On second thought, BJ said Mary Magdalene makes better than Magnolia. I think he was lying because he was definitely depressed when he saw that line.

We wandered by another great place but Jesus, not being a lesbian himself, couldn't get us in. Boo, I say.

BJ ALWAYS wanted to live in a posh Greenwich Village apartment complex with several of his best pals (you know, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego?), sipping coffee and sharing quippy one liners. Since He shoulders the burden of all the sin throughout time, he can't do that. But we visited the next best thing: the apartment exterior of Monica and Chandler's building in Friends!!

Next it was time to visit the true gay mecca: Christopher Street!

*The gayest stop on the gay train to Gaysville

Christopher Square is home to the famous Stonewall Riots, set off when the second coming of Christ, or Judy Garland, died. When a bunch of homofagulous mourners gathered at the Stonewall Inn, police showed up to shut the place down for "not having a liquor license" (i.e. being all ok with the butsecks). The homos rioted and Jesus said "let them eat ecstasy." or something like that.

This is the gayest street intersection possibly since Do Me Ave. and Up the Butt St. were renamed.

BJ was feeling a little wild...WILDE, that is, so we went into one of the last gay bookstores around: the Oscar Wilde Bookshop.

I took it upon myself to artfully pose BJ with some of the fineries offered therein.

After all of this fun, it was time to relax for a few. Since BJ is all able to walk on water and such, he has no problem hoofing it around, but yours truly needed a break. And chocolate.
We sat down at Jacques Torres, who I named long ago "Chocolate Jesus," to have some chocolate and so I could decorate Mary Magdalene and give BJ his NYC souvenir.

I think Mary looks good with a prideful rendering of His Bearness, don't you?
As for BJ...I decided to give him something a little gay but which would still hit close to home, if you know what I mean.

It was a fun-filled day of gay for the Bear Jesus and I. I have enjoyed my time with him immensely. He seems to really enjoy NYC and all things gay so, ladies, you might have lost another one to the Homosexual Agenda! Don't cry.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Bear Jesus Takes It to the Polls!

Today, Bear Jesus participated in that most lovely of American processes: the Presidential Primary.

I am totally breaking the law (breakin' the law, breakin' the law!) by shooting a candid photo of the polling place, but it's closed now, so hey. Plus, Jesus told me to.

We got into the voting booth and BJ instantly had a tough choice to make.

Would it be McCain? Or Huckabee. He does quote the Bible, after all. Ok, yeah, he quotes it to further his "marriage protecting, homo hating, anti-Jesus-pro-war" rhetoric, but he still says the name JESUS! A LOT! Tee-hee! Ergo, Christian.

Still, there's Barack Obama...and we all know Jesus was black, so now we're having a dilemma.

Wait! What's this? There's Hillary Clinton, Lucifaghag's avatar on Earth! Jesus does kind of owe Satan for all of that, "my dad needs you to be the nemesis and run Hell and torture people until I return and throw you in the lake of fire, too," so perhaps he should vote for her?

What to do.
What. To. Do.

Yay, democracy!
Also, go women!

Sunday, February 3, 2008

30 Minute Meals With Bear Jesus

BJ's at it again!

I made the two lovely margaritas above for me and my honey as I prepared to make lunch (mama needs tequila when she's in the kitchen, y'all). I took marg no. 1 into the living room to the BF and, when I returned...well, SOMEONE didn't bother with the water-into-wine thing.

Bad Bear Jesus! Not only did he drink half of it, but he did it on an empty stomach and passed right on out!
To make up for this, BJ promised he'd help me cook. Down below, he's diligently watching my butternut squash cook, waiting for that special moment when it's soft enough to mash into gnocchi.

I couldn't help but get into the action a bit myself, especially since BJ said that it would be a frivolous use of his miracle-making powers just to wave his hand and have instant lunch.

Still, he DOES know how to stir some squash!


Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Holy One Arrives!

After MANY fits and starts, His Holiness, the Bear Jesus, has arrived into NYC.
The lovely Taylor had carefully packaged and shipped BJ to my post office, conveniently located only a half block from my apartment. However, BJ's nemesis, Lucifaghag, had paid off his subjects in the local post office and the package wasn't available for pick up until this Monday.
Thanks to the location of my apartment to work, I could not get back in time each work day to pick up BJ.
Until TODAY!

I awoke this morning and grabbed BJ's parole form.

I headed out into the semi-cold (NYC has warmed a touch with the coming of BJ) and down the block to spring him from prison

(BJ had a very long stay here)

After waiting for the postal lady to get her Dunkin donut and coffee and dance with some other lady's package, I finally had BJ's cell in my hot little hands.

(No air holes! Praised be BJ that he doesn't need to breathe...those Asian meditation techniques even work for the Holy One!)

I ran back to the apartment to spring BJ from his box. No, I don't mean Mary Magdalene - she appears to be in fine shape, though.

(Mary has been tatted up)

I finally freed BJ and allowed him to breathe a little. All in all, he looks good for having been kept in prison for a week.

(BJ in repose)

(BJ meets the Boogs. It's not quite love at first sight.)

What's in store for BJ here in the Big Apple? Proselytizing in Times Square? Breaking a bialy with the Jews on the Lower East Side? Partying with the club twinks in Chelsea?
Stay tuned!